The room was spinning, my head was on fire, my lungs felt like they were buried underneath the rubble of a collapsed trade center building. I couldn’t take it anymore. I just couldn’t answer another question. I couldn’t be the smiling, unaffected Ashlyn for another minute. I was literally milli-seconds away from removing my expressionless mask and throwing up all over the pictures of little Lauren Thompson’s fifth birthday party.
And then, thankfully…I was saved by the bell.
Literally.
The doorbell rang.
A look of horror flashed over Mrs. Thompson’s face as she quickly glanced at her watch and then confirmed the time by checking the cable box under the TV. “Oh my God, I lost all track of time! It’s the kids!” She shot up to a standing position, causing the brown, leather photo album to come crashing to the ground. “The carpool must have just dropped them off.”
She looked down at the Kleenex in her hand. It had definitely seen better days. She patted gently at her puffy eyes and tousled hair and looked at me in sheer panic. “I can’t let them see me like this!” She paused and thought quickly. “Will you distract them for me? So I can freshen up?”
And that was the last straw. I had been nice enough. This was officially the longest post-session I had ever been in and definitely the most traumatizing. There was no way in hell I was going to be alone with those children. If their eyes were capable of burning holes of accusation through me from just a simple 4x6 photograph, I couldn’t even start to think what they could do to me in person. I had never, EVER met the children before. It’s something I insist upon. That is why the appointments are always made in the middle of the day. When children are supposed to be in school or day care, or wherever children go during the day.
Ashlyn never was and never would be…a babysitter.
“Mrs. Thompson,” I began sternly. It was time to lay down the law. My law. “That is not part of my job. I don’t really feel comfortable sitting with your children and…”
“Please,” she begged me, more tears streaming down her face. “They can’t know something’s wrong. Please.”
The last “please” resonated through my body like the final note of a heartbreaking symphony. Touching every vulnerable spot I had, and even the ones I never knew I had. The doorbell rang a second time. Then a third. Her eyes pleaded with me. As if there was nothing else in the world she wanted more than to spare her children’s innocence.
I caved. I just couldn’t say no to her. “Five minutes,” I said firmly, leaving no room for negotiations.
She thanked me and rushed off to the bathroom.
I started towards the front door. The silhouettes on the other side of the glass were now holding their fingers on the doorbell, causing it to ring incessantly. Not giving up until the door opened.
I definitely wasn’t what they were expecting to see on the other side, though.
“Who are you?” the little boy asked, accusingly. The allegations had started already.
I stood motionless for a brief moment and stared at the two little blonde-haired children standing across from me. Under any other circumstances, I would have admitted they were cute. Endearing, adorable, huggable even.
Right now, I just wanted them to disappear.
I made a weak attempt at a smile. “Hi, I’m Ashlyn. I’m a friend of your mother’s.”
Both of them looked at me skeptically. I couldn’t blame them. I was no friend of this family’s.
“Where’s my mom?” the girl said somewhat snobbishly.
At this point I could care less if these children liked me or not. Children normally don’t like me for some reason and that was just something I had learned to deal with over the years. Hannah, my niece was really the only child who had ever taken a true liking to me, but I always assumed it had something to do with the blood relation.
I tried to soften my voice to the best of my ability, but honestly, I had been running low on soft, sympathetic tones for the last hour now. “She’s in the bathroom. She’ll be out in a minute.”
The kids stepped inside, took off their backpacks and habitually dropped them on the floor next to the entry room table. All the while, they never took their apprehensive eyes off of me. I had a feeling that if I ever got an assignment that required me to fool anyone under the age of 10, I would fail within the first five minutes. Kids had an eerie sixth sense about this kind of stuff. They could tell there was something suspicious about me. And they weren’t going to let me out of their sight until their mother arrived.
There I was. A girl who had seduced hundreds of men into temptation. A girl who had effortlessly conversed with CEOs, CFOs, lawyers, doctors, celebrities. Who was at ease in almost every element, every setting, every city, bar, hotel, situation that you could think of. And right now, right there, with little 5-year old Lauren and 7-year old Jeremy, I had never felt so uncomfortable in my entire life.
“Hi guys!” Mrs. Thompson had suddenly and mercifully appeared from the living room with a bright and cheerful smile on her face and now miraculously devoid of wrinkly Kleenexes and red, puffy eyelids.
“Mom!” They both threw their arms around their mother as if being with me for 30 seconds made them feel like they were locked up in a terrorist prisoner camp for months and had finally been rescued.
She gave me a warm smile of gratitude and mouthed, “Thank you” behind their backs.
I nodded.
“You guys want some cheese and crackers?” she asked enthusiastically.
“Yeah!” they exclaimed and bobbed up and down as if they were on invisible pogo sticks.
The perfect sitcom family had returned. Although now, the only person that didn’t belong in the episode was me. The hired temptress who had lured Daddy away from Mommy and into her dingy, dark hotel room…all for what? Money? Power? Thrill of the game?
Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure anymore.
I felt out of place. I needed to go somewhere where I fit in. Where I belonged.
“I’m gonna head out, now.” I said, with my hand already on the doorknob.
She said nothing. She simply nodded her head. And this time, she didn’t try to stop me again. She just let me leave.
So I did.
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